Performance anxiety develops when attention shifts away from pleasure and towards constant checking: “Will it work?”, “Am I lasting long enough?” or “What will my partner think?”. The more attention is placed on monitoring, the harder it can become to stay present.
The anxiety cycle
One difficult experience may create fear that it will happen again. During the next intimate situation the body becomes more alert, tension rises and arousal may fall. The new difficulty then seems to confirm the original fear.
Common signs
- erections occur in some situations but not others;
- repetitive thoughts before or during intimacy;
- avoiding sexual contact;
- repeatedly checking the body’s response;
- fear of judgement or comparison with earlier experiences.
Reduce the pressure to perform
Intimacy does not always need penetration, a particular duration or orgasm as its only goal. Focusing on touch, breathing and physical sensations can reduce pressure around the “result”.
Talk with your partner
A simple conversation can prevent silence and assumptions from increasing tension. The difficulty does not mean a lack of attraction or interest, and it does not need to become the subject of analysis during every intimate moment.
Move attention away from constant checking
Bringing attention back to physical sensations, breathing and contact can reduce mental monitoring. Guided exercises from a qualified psychosexual therapist may also help a couple rebuild confidence gradually.
When a medical assessment is useful
Do not automatically assume anxiety is the only cause. If the problem is frequent, occurs during masturbation, is accompanied by a major reduction in desire or appears alongside conditions such as diabetes or high blood pressure, arrange a medical assessment. Physical and psychological factors can coexist.
Related guides: causes of erectile difficulties and premature ejaculation.
